Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Who Am I?

The few questions which stand in my life at this moment are,
  1. who am i?
  2. am i happy with who i am?
  3. do i live to my expectations or the expectations of others?

I find it difficult to answer myself these questions nowadays. I barely know who i am, and who i want to be. I am definitely, at this point, not happy with who i am. I can't see any goodness in me. Usually people will associate it with others, but for me, its me. I am so self-centred and carrer driven that i fail to respond well to stress. I am sleepy half the time and always feeling stressed out. sometimes, i just feel i need someone around, or someone to hug to make me feel positive again.

Well... this year has been a big year of change. everyone has definitely changed alot. my bestfriend has turned to my arch enemy, my ex-girlfriend has gotten her boyfriend, and my friends have been neglecting our church group. I turned the most depressed or negative this year. Known as emo wesley, who couldn't see positive in anything, yet sit and wallow at how black the world has been painted. Then moved on to being carrer-minded wesley. The selfish, self-centred one who is out there to get power and popularity. And now... i don't know who i really am.

I fight with my parents more often now. I am such a rebel, and i don't like it. There is a rebel in every family, i guess i was chosen to be it. I'm a rebel in society. School, church and friends. I never want to be the same. I always want to stand out. Then again, self-centredness.

I celebrated my 1 year of singlehood last Sunday. Though i think back, the history can never repeat. I need a girlfriend to push me and get me back on my two feet, but im so caught in this world of stress that being in a relationship in no where near the top five of what i have to do in life list. I can just sit down and pull all my hair out. That is how stressed i am. I can't take it anymore, i just can't. I wanna quit school and quit this world. But then again, people will miss me as much as i will miss them, so btr not. haha!

Posted by Alexander Thaddeus Kow at 10/17/2007 01:17:00 am